


Cindy Thomas and the Best Christmas Ever

by random_flores



Category: Women's Murder Club (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-28
Updated: 2011-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-25 01:04:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_flores/pseuds/random_flores
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year for Christmas, Cindy Thomas gets herself the one thing she's wanted all year but never quite managed to get. Last year was skydiving lessons. This year, it's Jill Bernhardt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cindy Thomas and the Best Christmas Ever

The writer in Cindy both appreciated and abhorred the irony that came with the fact that she had developed a massive crush on Jill Bernhardt.

Ironic because Cindy had spent over a year working her way into the inner circle of the club, gaining respect of three women she really admired, brushing off petty insults (most of them directed to her by Jill) and ignoring the very obvious assumption that Cindy had a massive crush on _Lindsay_.

Because Jill had been so initially resistant to her in the first place - looking down at her as if the very idea of Cindy the Obnoxious Reporter offended her so greatly she wanted to flick her like a bug.

Because in between murders and dinners at a diner and late nights pouring over paperwork and documents and worrying about Lindsay, they had become friends without even realizing it.

Because even though Jill was an amazing friend, drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, loyal, witty and open to sex with a woman (or in Lindsay's words - she had sex with anything that moved), she was also a source, afraid of commitment, had been known to cheat, and in the time Cindy had known her, had never had a relationship with a woman that had lasted longer than the morning after a one night stand.

Cindy was a rational person. She knew this. She understood it.

And if sex was all Cindy wanted, it wouldn't be a problem.

It was only a problem because in a year, Cindy Thomas had gone from being slightly afraid of Jill Bernhardt to thinking of her as one of her closest intimate friends, to being head over heels in love with her.

Suffice to say, it was shaping up to be a pretty sucky Christmas unless Cindy did something about it.

"Remind me again why I agreed to this?"

The object of her affection had never looked more adorable than she did at that moment, shivering as she shrugged off her trench coat, chilled to the bone. She gravitated to Cindy's little space heater, and knelt down in front of it like it was a fireplace, rubbing at her hands and holding them in front of her, releasing a happy little moan at the warmth.

The sensuous sound caused an appreciative tingle in the pit of Cindy's stomach. She felt her cheeks flushing, and feeling awkward and idiotic, she turned her burning face away.

"Because it's Christmas and it's nice to do a good deed?" she tried, eyes carefully moving over the apartment - candles were lit, the soft swell of Christmas music had begun to pulse - the tree was blinking…

She turned back, discovered Jill arching a brow at her that told her she wasn't buying any of Cindy's bullshit.

"I'm a prosecuting attorney," Jill pointed out, sufficiently thawed to venture a trip to the couch, settling in it with a satisfied sigh. "I do good deeds every single day. In the warmth and comfort of my office or a nice sterile courthouse. Not out in the freezing cold, freezing my ass and my nipples off." Coming forward with two steaming mugs, Cindy settled in beside her, and resisted the urge to glance at Jill's breasts to offer instead what she hoped was an appreciative, sympathetic smile. Jill's reaction was an immediate roll of her eyes, "And stop it with that."

"With what?"

"That!" Jill said, flicking a nail in her direction, shifting and reaching for the second mug. "That smile and those puppy dog eyes. I’m on to you and your wily ways." Self consciously, Cindy licked her bottom lip and glanced at her lap. Beside her, Jill lifted the mug to her nose, taking a tentative sniff. "Hot chocolate?"

"With a touch of peppermint," Cindy said quickly, eyes darting up, corners crinkling with her smile as Jill took a grateful sip. "And whipped cream."

Jill discovered that bit when she ended up with a dab of the white stuff on her nose. Quickly, she brushed it off. "Thanks," she said grudgingly. "This isn't close to making this up to me, though."

"Oh come on. You enjoyed yourself, even for a little bit."

Jill arched a brow. "You think I liked standing in a freezing cold wharf asking for donations? Getting hit on by every pervert tourist?"

Not at all. And the fact that Jill had done so just because she asked? It was a good sign. A seriously good sign.

"You have to admit, some of them were pretty imaginative."

"Yeah, don't think I didn't see you laughing," Jill grumbled. Unable to help herself, Cindy shrugged, grinning wickedly and receiving a half hearted thwap on her shoulder for her trouble. "Mmm…." Jill said, eyes shutting in appreciation for the rich beverage, and sinking further into Cindy's cushions, reaching up with her free hand to carefully comb blonde bangs out of her eyes.

The sight was, Cindy would admit, enthralling. Jill moved with a sensuous beauty that was unconscious and subtle, and it drew eyes to her like magnets.

Cindy had never been a fan of being one of the pack, particularly in the legion of Jill's lovesick admirers, but resistance was apparently futile.

She had tried to ignore it. For months she had tried.

Sighing unsteadily, she tore her gaze away from Jill and once again darted a glance over her apartment. Cinnamon had begun to seep into the air, thanks to the melting candles. The lights had been dimmed, and the Christmas tree twinkled.

And Jill was on her couch a week before Christmas.

She sucked in an audible breath through her nostrils, trying to gather her strength. "Jill," she managed, throat dry, words nearly fading when cat eyes opened to blink at her. "Seriously, thank you. You didn't have to help me tonight."

Jill looked at her a moment, and then smiled. "It was worth it," she admitted, and Cindy broke out into a relieved grin. "I mean, I can't say I'd do it again, but it felt good… to give those toys to needy kids. It's nice to focus on doing good in a way that doesn't involve autopsies at least."

"And hey - you get hot chocolate!"

"Yeah, you owe me more than this, young lady," Jill snapped, but proceeded to take another drink anyway. "I expect an amazing Christmas gift, and dinner."

"For the record - the satisfaction of helping others in need should be its own reward. I shouldn't have to bribe you."

"I have satisfaction," Jill lobbed back cleanly, "The satisfaction of you owing me." The expression was nearly predatory. "So pay up."

Good GOD, Jill could undo her. Cindy's smile threatened to wobble, but valiantly she kept it steady, despite the suddenly furious beating of her heart.

"Fine," she said, as easily as she could. "I owe you dinner. And a fabulous Christmas present. What are you doing tomorrow?"

Jill, however, seemed suddenly distracted, eyes opening as her nostrils flared. "Is that cinnamon?"

"The candles," Cindy said, nodding toward the red pillars burning on the coffee table.

"Huh. Smells good." Her friend sat quietly, clearly working through something as she began to suspiciously stare around the room. "You dimmed the lights."

Well, shit. "Well I figured with the candles and the Christmas tree, we'd have enough light…"

But Jill had gone incredibly still, mug in mid-air as she processed, like a good lawyer, the evidence surrounding her.

It didn't help that 'Christmas Won't Be The Same Without You' chose that exact moment to begin.

Cindy's fingers tightened over her mug, clutching so damn hard to the drink she had barely sipped she was half afraid she was going to crack it and cut open her hand.

Which might have been welcome, if it could get her away from the insane awkwardness that was about to ensue the minute Jill figured out that-

"Oh my GOD!" Jill breathed, looking oddly aghast and similarly triumphant as she pinned her with her crystal eyes. "Cindy Thomas, this is a date!"

Oh, God. Cheeks burning, Cindy found herself doing what she did best when she was nervous and pinned with laser vision: stammer.

"Okay, listen - it's not what it looks like-"

"Holy shit!" Apparently her non answer was confirmation enough. "The romantic music! The candles! The lights!" Jill's eyes floated down to her mug. "The hot chocolate! Oh my GOD! You asked me to come up for a drink and I said yes!"

"Oh, God, Jill-" Mortified, Cindy's palm rose and pressed hard against her forehead, rubbing fiercely as she tried to exert at least a tiny bit of damage control. "Please, just listen-"

"And you totally conned me into saying yes to another one!" Jill seemed torn between excitement at figuring all of this out like Sherlock Holmes, and being bowled over with the sudden revelation that Cindy's thoughts about her were semi-pornesqe. Mouth clamping shut, Cindy looked at her miserably, but Jill only sunk back into her couch, and exhaled, looking winded of all things.

At least Jill wasn't laughing hysterically. At least not yet. Still, it wasn't the best sign that Jill appeared to be vastly amused at the very idea.

"Cindy Thomas," she managed, after a deep breath. "You little scamp." Her eyes narrowed. "You had wine, didn't you?"

The only way it could have gotten any worse was if Jill had decided to chuck her chin and call her sport.

"Yes, I had wine chilling," Cindy admitted, thankful that she was at least a little angry. It tamped down the urge to crawl into the floor.

"And that yarn you spun me about Lindsay and Claire not being able to make it tonight-"

"True," Cindy said, grateful at least for that. "At least it was for Claire - Lindsay I didn't even ask." At Jill's questioning glance, she shot her a look. "Can you imagine _Lindsay_ asking for donations? She'd scare everyone away."

A gorgeous smirk deepened on Jill's face. "Good point."

Exhaling, trying to rid herself of the nervous agitation that plagued her, Cindy shifted on the seat. "Jill… listen… about all this-"

"…you like me."

Jill always had been to the point. Cindy offered a tentative, defeated smile. "Yeah," she admitted. "I like you a lot."

Jill's smile had faded as the revelation sunk in. The look she was giving Cindy now was odd and unfamiliar, and Cindy, heart on a precipice, wasn't sure how to take it. So, two feet away from the object of her affection, who at the moment was staring at her like she was an alien, she babbled.

"But I swear I wasn't trying to con you into anything. I just… I mean … I thought - we always have such a great time together, and I was terrified that, if after all this time, I asked you out on a date you'd look at me … pretty much how you're looking at me now and… I just… I just kind of wanted to test the waters. Because it's Christmas."

At that, the arched brow lifted even higher. "What does Christmas have to do with anything?"

Oh, God. This wouldn't help. "It's just… I have a thing. I do. For Christmas. Every year. I give as much as I can and as a reward I give myself something that I've wanted all year but for some reason, never really got."

Jill blinked once. Slowly. "What was last year?"

"Skydiving lessons," she answered immediately. "And the year before that… I got Maggie."

"Your car," Jill clarified. "I see." She nodded slowly. "And so this year you wanted… me."

"That sounds really really terrible, doesn't it?" Cindy breathed, flushing bright red. "Jill, listen," her hand reaching out in supplication. "You're like, my best friend - I don't want to make you uncomfortable or freak you out or-" But Jill wasn't looking at her face.

Cindy blinked, and realized she had somehow managed to land her hand on Jill's thigh, and had begun to unconsciously squeeze. The warmth of the leg burned through Jill's clothes and into her hand. Cindy's eyes flickered up, caught with Jill's.

Cindy's arm immediately jerked away. "Sorry."

"Wow." Jill's eyes closed for a millisecond, before reopening. "I think I need a drink. Wine?"

"Oh. Right. Sure!" Launching to her feet, Cindy nearly careened around the couch and headed for the kitchen, sprinting for the bottle currently sitting in a bucket of ice. God - she was SUCH an idiot. What the HELL had she been thinking?

She was so flustered, she was trembling with nerves, and the result was a terribly awkward moment in which she nearly impaled herself with a corkscrew.

"Okay, stop -" The disembodied voice startled her so much her grip slipped, and she yelped, fumbling to catch the bottle and cradle it to her bosom. Jill, wearing a smile that was both pained and amused, was now right beside her, gently reaching forward with slender fingers and running knuckles along Cindy's palms before taking the bottle. Quietly, the woman regarded her, searching her face with an intensity that made Cindy lightheaded. "Breathe," Jill advised quietly, her gorgeous smile breathtaking to behold. "And relax. It's okay."

"Did I completely wreck our friendship?" she asked, voice cracking slightly, suddenly worried beyond reason that she had - and god, wouldn't that be suckiest Christmas ever.

"Did you wreck our friendship? Seriously? Cindy, come on." Jill reached around her, and carefully placed the bottle back in the bucket, leaving her chilled hands free to come up and rub reassuringly at the shorter woman's shoulders. "This is not horrifying for me. It's damn flattering."

"If you pat me on the head we're not friends anymore."

"Noted." But Jill didn't move either. Instead, her hands only stopped moving, coming to a halt at her shoulders, squeezing affectionately. Cindy, disarmed and intoxicated, kept devastatingly still in the face of a kind smile and the sweet sense of Jill so very near. "I'd be a little more impressed, except as far as first dates go, freezing my ass off in poverty ridden ghettos wouldn't be at the top of my list."

An awkward laugh was the best she could come up with. "Well, you know me. I tend to be a little unconventional. Besides, this wasn't a date. It was… I was just … testing the waters. Seeing if you'd be open to an actual date."

The chill from the bottle that had caused Jill's fingers to feel so cold was slowly seeping away. It's their place was Jill's own warmth, fingers skimming lightly against the collar of Cindy's shirt, brushing faintly the skin underneath. Cindy's chest rose and fell with her deepened breaths, achingly aware of the contact.

"Ah…" Jill's voice had drifted even lower, eyes magnetically locked to hers. "The aforementioned dinner."

"Right," Cindy said faintly. "A romantic dinner - flowers, dancing, surf and turf and a soufflé for dessert. The whole shebang." Jill's full lips curved upward. Her eyes twinkled. Cindy felt a flush of embarrassment. "Or... you know... something with a little imagination."

Jill's fingers had worked their way up Cindy's shoulders, until thumbs were gently running circles against the crook of Cindy's neck. The sensitive skin exploded with goosebumps, and Cindy, unable to help herself, shivered.

Noticing, Jill's eyes darkened, flickered from Cindy's open mouth to her eyes. "… this has been going on for a while." Cindy managed a tentative nod. "You never said anything."

"There are a thousand reasons why I didn’t."

Jill's brow quirked, before her eyes once again drifted to her fingers, experimentally shifting again until she had open palms spread against Cindy's jaw, thumbs now tracing just underneath Cindy's bottom lip.

A low, agonized moan threatened to work its way up Cindy's throat. Hands curling into fists, she didn't allow it. She already felt so open. So vulnerable, and Jill kept touching her -

"So why now?" Jill's voice was coated now with the drip of arousal, and God… it was so hard to hear and not….

Struggling to maintain her senses, Cindy licked her lips for moisture, an unconscious effort that accidentally caught Jill's thumb, instead.

Jill's eyelids grew heavy, her mouth parted… and suddenly their bodies were flush together, Cindy's rapidly beating heart thudding against the soft pillow of Jill's breasts.

"It's Christmas," Cindy managed, and then Jill's head descended. Cindy met her halfway, moaning into the hot press of lips sliding against hers. Jill's fingers clamped tighter against her jaw, trapping her, and in response Cindy clutched tightly to Jill's sides, clamping at Jill's shirt and tilting her head, deepening the embrace.

And God, Jill could kiss. Her mouth was relentless; her tongue demanding, sweeping across her bottom lip and then venturing deeper to tangle with her own. The rumble of appreciation that vibrated through Jill's throat when Cindy pressed back caused another shudder. Jill's grip on her head was nearly painful, but Cindy didn't care. Because Jill was kissing her like she wanted her, like she wanted THIS, and it was deep and wet and holy fuck- she wanted this woman so badly.

Dizzy, out of breath, weak from emotion, Cindy's eyes shut tight as the desperate kisses slowed to a languid press of lips against lips. Jill's breath drifted across her nose, and sighing, Cindy felt the pressure against her cheeks ease, until their mouths drifted apart, and they were staring at each other, panting softly from exertion and being ridiculously turned on.

"Okay, I know I started that," Jill breathed, words nothing more than a tormented whisper, voice rough as gravel as her fingers drifted over Cindy's swollen lips and then against the column of her throat, watching intensely as Cindy arched into the worshiping touch. "But I had to stop it. For a thousand reasons."

Cindy couldn't stop panting. Her mind was swimming, her heart was racing, and she struggled hard to keep her sense of emotion in check as she dropped her eyes from obsessively staring into Jill's face and lips and instead backed away, running into the wine bucket and nearly toppling it over.

"Okay," she began, the moment she felt she could actually form a word. Holy shit, she was really really wet. From one kiss. One really amazing kiss…

That was all she was going to get, apparently.

Her chest tightened, and overwhelmed with tension, Cindy fumbled for a kitchen chair and eased into it, dropping her hand into the melting ice surrounding her wine bottle and pressing the chilly appendage against her blazing hot nape.

She couldn't look at Jill. Not just yet.

"So… was that like… a charity kiss or something?"

"No." Jill's voice was rougher than she expected, and it was some consolation. "But-"

"But we work together," Cindy said, out of breath and winded, and oddly resigned. Her eyes lifted, caught Jill's. Her smile was bittersweet. "But your boss hates me. But you're a DA and I'm a reporter and there is a tremendous conflict of interest. But you're not a big fan of relationships - particularly those with a woman. But if we mess up the group dynamic Lindsay might shoot us."

Jill exhaled slowly, but her tentative smile was sweet. "All of the above." She came forward tentatively, crouching to her knees to reach for Cindy's fingers, tangling them together with hers. "Except for maybe the last one. Lindsay would shoot me, but not for messing up the dynamic. For hurting you."

The fact that Jill was still touching her, still smiling, still joking… oddly… it helped.

Enough to allow Cindy's smile to have a trace of genuine camaraderie. "Are we going to start the 'Lindsay loves you more' debate again? Because in the light of what just happened, it's going to take on some dangerous threesome connotations."

At the thought, Jill's brow rose expressively, and Cindy burst into a short laugh that nearly caused the tears in her eyes to spill over.

Jill's fingers smoothed against hers, soft skin skimming over her palm before once again gripping tight. "There are very few people in my life who I genuinely love, Cindy. You happen to be one of them. If I loved you any less …" Jill exhaled slowly. "Let's just say you would have been naked and in my bed months ago. And it wouldn’t have lasted."

"For a thousand reasons," Cindy mumbled, and carefully, gently, extracted her hand from Jill's electric hold.

At the action, Jill glanced down, and a look of startled devastation crept over her face, almost as if Jill had forgotten she was still touching, and was disappointed that Cindy had pulled away.

Cindy chose to deliberately ignore that. It seemed prudent to start the habit, at any rate.

"I should go," Jill announced, after a moment of stalled quiet.

"Probably," Cindy agreed.

Again, Jill regarded her strangely, and Cindy forced the bitter hurt at her rejection (even if it was for all logical reasons) down into the pit of her stomach, and did not wonder how on earth Jill could be hurt by Cindy agreeing with the obvious.

Jill took her time getting to her feet. The flush of exertion that stained her cheeks had receded somewhat, but still Jill stared at her.

It was time to put the woman out of her misery. "Jill, I'm okay." Cindy inhaled deeply, and pushed out a long breath, getting a hold of her scattered emotions, despite the impossibly empty feeling inside. "Look, you didn't say anything I didn't already know. Believe me. The shock would have been if you had actually said yes."

A muscle against Jill's jaw ticked, and Cindy blinked, shifting uncomfortably. "But we're… we're still good, right?"

"Of course." Cindy rose carefully to her feet, and once she was sure her jello-d knees would hold her, stepped forward and gently, carefully, pressed her hand against Jill's bicep and squeezed. "We're good. But I do need you to be a good friend, and leave now."

Jill's eyes lingered on Cindy's hand on her arm, until Cindy let go.

After a long, tense moment, a smile broke out onto Jill's face that didn’t quite meet her eyes. "Okay. I'll see you around."

"See you," Cindy echoed lamely.

Cindy waited in the kitchen until she heard the door snicker shut, and then ventured into the living room.

The music still crooned softly. The candle still flickered with its ethereal glow. The perfectly decorated Christmas tree blinked its lights at her, and the smell of cinnamon burned into her nostrils.

Suddenly exhausted, and so very sad, Cindy settled into the couch, and buried her head into her hands.

\--

It was ridiculous that she had the gall to be THIS disappointed.

Cindy had known exactly how it would go. She knew Jill as well as she knew anybody. Months of late hours and friendly conversation, and the occasional stint in the hospital (thanks to their damned crazy jobs), had incurred an incredible intimacy between them.

She knew how Jill was.

She knew exactly how it would go.

She had been banking a little too much on Christmas, and that was her downfall. Cindy wasn't exactly Tiny Tim, but she had to admit, Christmas was her favorite holiday for a reason. She obsessively believed in the presence of miracles; there was something magical about this time of year.

And she had wanted Jill as much as she had wanted anything. Just Jill. As she was exactly. Crazy, flawed, gorgeous, and damaged.

It helped that she still had Jill. As a friend at least. Group outings helped. As did the murder that popped up the day after. It gave her something to dive into - a chance to revert into who she really was: the reporter, working with the lawyer, the cop, the medical examiner to catch the killer, get the story.

It eased the awkwardness. It gave them something to talk about, and by the end of the week, Cindy almost felt normal. Normal enough to feel guilty about the looks Jill kept sneaking her in between all this, like she was afraid that any minute Cindy was going to break down into lovesick heartbroken sobs.

Cindy was still hurt enough to feel insulted, and maybe that was what prompted her to announce to the group the afternoon of Claire's Christmas party that she would be bringing a date.

What she did not expect was every one of them, Jill included, to stare at her like she had suddenly sprouted horns.

"Come again?" Lindsay asked, shifting beside her in the diner seat to arch a brow at her. "You're what?"

"… I said I'm bringing a date," Cindy tried again, feeling the heat of Jill's gaze on her and determined to ignore it. "Just this guy from work."

"I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone," Claire said.

The inquisitive tone was enough to roll her eyes. "Okay, Mom, you don't have to interrogate. He's a good guy. He's a photographer."

"A photographer?" Jill's voice was flat. Sucking in a soft breath, Cindy met her eyes. Jill's expression was unreadable. "What kind of photos does he take?"

After a moment, Cindy replied, " _NEWS_ photos, Jill." She could feel Lindsay shifting in her seat, and lifted her hand, stopping the incoming inquisition with a palm against Lindsay's mouth. "No, don't start. It's not serious. This is just a nice guy who asked me out. You do not need to do a background search, he has no outstanding warrants, and I'm not planning on sleeping with him tonight so there does not need to be any lectures about STDs or proper condom use."

A sheepish expression floated across the beautiful Inspector's face for half a second, before Lindsay went for affronted. Reaching up, she lifted her hand off of her face. "If he hurts you I'll kill him."

"Noted. And appreciated."

Lindsay's smile was indulgent, affectionate. "See?" she said, proudly glancing back to a watching Jill and Claire. "She appreciates it."

"I'm bringing a date too." The smile that had been directed at Lindsay stalled immediately as Cindy jerked her head up and discovered Jill regarding her carefully.

Because Jill was staring at her so blatantly, she was now the focus of Lindsay and Claire too, and flushing down to her roots, Cindy swallowed down the lump in her throat, and said with a careless smile, "Jill, it's you. Like we expected anything else."

In the midst of Lindsay's chortle and Claire's chuckle, Jill's eyes narrowed slightly, just a half second tick, before her eyes broke from Cindy's and she glanced away.

\--

Cindy's actions may have been borne from insecure pettiness, but there was a genuine sincerity attached to them as well.

Showing up with a date, laughing and talking, and being genuinely interested in what Mark had to say was a gesture of good will to Jill. An attempt at keeping with the Christmas spirit. Jill had been casting her all sorts of agonized glances all week, clearly afraid Cindy had been damaged beyond repair. It seemed fitting to show her the night before Christmas that she was going to be okay. She would even move on.

No sympathy, please. Cindy Thomas was a guilt free zone.

Of course, she hadn't counted on Jill's date to be a completely drop-dead gorgeous woman, who was tall and slender and had legs that were so long they could have belonged to a freakin' giraffe.

Nor had she counted on Mark bailing on her literally an hour after they had arrived at the party for the strangest and lamest reason she had ever heard.

The wind whipped around her as she stood on the curb, watching as her flaky date settled into his car and started the ignition.

He was expressively, dramatically yawning, in that clichéd way that told Cindy, who was a good liar whenever Lindsay and her laser vision wasn't present, he was clearly just making this up.

"I'm really, really sorry, Cindy."

Emotionally exhausted from battling her turmoil at seeing Jill with her date, Cindy just offered him a shrug and a smile. "Don't worry about it. Feel better."

"You sure you don't mind catching a ride?" He was already putting up the window.

"No, I'm good. Go rest."

"Great, thanks. See you later!"

She stepped back on the curb, and drew her jacket in around her, trying to find warmth in the cold snap that had descended on San Francisco this Christmas Eve, watching as Mark swerved away from the curb as if she had developed an infestation of cooties.

Behind her, the sounds of Claire's Christmas party wafted over at her, but she wasn't quite in the mood to rejoin the festivities.

It said a lot that she preferred instead to stand on the curb, breathing in the crisp air and feeling it chill her lungs, numb her.

Every year, she picked the one thing she wanted above all else. Up until this year, it had all been attainable.

It never occurred to Cindy how much she had been banking on this yearly Christmas wish to make this happen.

How badly she wanted it.

"God," she whispered to herself, watching her breath come out in smoky little puffs, "Second Worst Christmas Ever."

"Second worst?" The quiet voice of Jill caught her by surprise. Cindy turned, regarded the other woman, who was now standing ten feet away, shivering in her heels and large black coat, the wind whipping through the cropped blonde bangs. "What was the worst?"

Cindy took the opportunity to stare forlornly at her beautiful friend, and answered conversationally, "The year my father died."

A flash of comprehension slipped over Jill's face, because she had grown up without parents. Cindy knew that. The moment of shared sorrow was bittersweet, and Cindy, arms crossed to try and keep herself warm did not read anything else into it.

The music from the party mingled with laughter that floated with it. Cindy glanced at the house with the twinkling Christmas lights, so warm and inviting.

And yet here they were. Both of them.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked, and Jill glanced up suddenly, oddly startled at being asked such a direct question.

"I thought I should tell you," Jill said after a moment. "Mark isn't really a jerk. I mean he scares easy, but he's not a jerk. Him leaving like that? A little my fault."

She hadn't expected _that_. "What?"

Sheepish, Jill shivered again, and took a tentative step forward, voice firm and careful. "I got Lindsay to take one too many shots - threw in a couple little white lies about Mark I pretended to find out… got her riled up enough to set off her Macho Protector mode."

Cindy sucked in her breath, glanced back at the house, and remembered being dragged away by Claire, leaving Mark alone for exactly five minutes before she returned to find him a pale, sputtering mess.

"You set Lindsay on him?"

"And Jacobi," Jill affirmed. "Got Claire to distract you to keep you away from him long enough for them to issue a couple of threats that involved ramming things up his ass."

It was very nearly surreal. Jill's confession was to the point, and unrepentant. "You set Lindsay Boxer on my date? And Jacobi. And you got Claire to help."

"Of course I did. I never said I was an angel."

She exhaled, a disbelieving chortle, fingers aching from the icy wind, and yet she remained, unwilling to move. "Why would you do that?"

Jill answered stiffly, "Because I hated him."

"You didn't even know him. You completely ignored him."

"I hated him because he was with you."

And there it was. The honest truth. And it was Jill saying it. Jill, who was finally looking at her with this intense fury gleaming from glittering eyes that told Cindy she meant exactly that.

The hope that immediately sputtered into her heart, like a dying engine struggling for life, very nearly caused her to keel over. Cindy felt immediately weak, until she realized it was because she had stopped breathing.

Gasping, she closed her eyes against the intensity in Jill's face and shook her head, trying hard to keep her head clear.

"Jill," she began, weak and nearly broken. "You said things wouldn't work. You kept shooting me all these 'I broke her' looks all week and-"

"And so you jumped on the first penis you saw?"

The anger was palpable, drowned in hurt. The other woman's form was stiff, her eyes were glistening, and God - had Cindy actually hurt her this badly?

"That's not fair," she pleaded, frozen in place. "You brought a date too."

"I scrambled," Jill snapped immediately. Her fingers went into her hair, scruffing what the wind did not, and Cindy bit her lip against the sight. "You blindsided me, Cindy! I just met her like… two hours ago. She doesn't even realize it's a date. I think she's making out with Jacobi in one of the kid's bedrooms right now."

That was almost too ridiculous to be anything but true, and a short, disbelieving laugh floated off her lips. "Seriously?"

Jill was obviously not finding the humor at all. "Yes," she responded, the word clipped harshly in the bitingly cold weather. "And I could care less. I'm glad for it. Honestly. Because once I got rid of her and got rid of him I could concentrate on killing YOU."

"Me?" The fact that someone who spent most of her work day prosecuting murderers was talking so candidly and honestly of first degree homicide was alarming. "Why do you want to kill me?"

"Because you're dense!" Jill snapped. "As much as you like to say you notice everything you can be the dumbest smart person ever! You ruined it!"

In her emotion, Jill had apparently descended into nonsense.

"I ruined what?"

"Everything!" Jill nearly shouted the word, and then palmed her face miserably. Hands stuck in her pockets, nearly frozen solid, and shivering, though she couldn't tell if this was from emotion or from the actual cold, Cindy could only watch as Jill began to actively pace, muttering out loud. "I had this whole perfect… plan! For this party! I was going to get you tipsy and get you by the mistletoe and then I was going to start talking about a gift I had for you-"

"You were going to get me drunk?"

"I was going to seduce the pants off of you," Jill angrily explained, coming forward another few feet to properly glare at her. "And instead of letting me DO that, you fucking BRING A DATE."

Cindy desperately wanted to comprehend this. She understood that somewhere in this diatribe that Jill was venting, there was something terribly important being said. But it felt like she had entered this conversation in the middle of it. She had missed the beginning - she had missed so very much, and the result was the feeling of being lost at sea: drowning and searching for anything to cling on to.

"I brought a date," she repeated, restating at least what she knew.

Jill stared at her. Shoulders slumped, and suddenly Jill's anger seemed to deflate from her like a balloon. She was left with something else - something sad and desperate, as Jill choked out a bitter laugh and threw her head back, staring into the dark midnight blue sky.

"Cindy," Jill began, so whisper quiet Cindy had to strain to hear her. "You made me feel like a fool. I hate that feeling." Jill was trembling, and she rubbed fast and hard at her arms, trying to keep herself warm as she once again looked at her. "I hated seeing you with him. I hated that you were with him and I had no right to go over there and drag you away from him. God." Jill blew out a harsh breath, visible puffing out her frustration. "This has been the worst Christmas EVER."

The worst Christmas ever? Really? The sputter of anger was bolstering; kept her afloat.

"Jill, I put myself out there first, remember? I told you I wanted you, and you rejected me!" Jill shuddered, exhaled from her open mouth. "And I couldn't even SULK about it because the reasons you gave me were completely plausible - God, I understood them!"

At this, Jill titled her head, mouth opening, and then shutting again.

"Yeah," she sighed, once again bringing her fingers to her hair, running them through her bangs. "About that."

"What?"

"I kinda lied."

The knot that had been tightening in her stomach clenched painfully. Gritting her teeth against the pain, Cindy managed a disbelieving, "Excuse me?"

Jill hesitated, looking insecure for the first time since she had stepped outside after her. Looking almost afraid of her.

"I lied," Jill said again. "That night. I mean," she continued breathlessly, nearly stammering in her haste, "The reasons were real and they're all completely valid, but that wasn't why I stopped kissing you that night."

Cindy's head was suddenly throbbing. "Jill…" she began, pleading for sanity, "I know women are confusing, but you-"

"I liked it too much." Cindy's eyes snapped open, focused on the other woman completely. Jill shivered again, but she didn't move away. "I mean… I really really liked it. I may have even loved it." Cindy squelched the urge to groan, as Jill shot her a tentative, sheepish smile. "And that scared the crap out of me, because I KNOW how I am and… it's you." The breathless way Jill said that sent a throbbing ache through Cindy's heart. She swallowed, and said nothing. "Chances are I would screw this up, and it was so intense that I knew that if I did… we couldn't even be friends." Jill pressed her lips together, sucked in a large breath, and looked at her with such desperate unspoken yearning for Cindy to understand. "The thought of not having you… Cindy, there are very few people I love-"

"And I'm one of them," Cindy finished softly, firmly. "You already said that."

Jill stared at her, unsatisfied with the cut and dry response. Licking her lips, trying to moisten them in the frigid air, what she said next floored Cindy completely.

"What I didn’t tell you is that I'm in love with you." The gasp that drew from Cindy was enough to make her feel as if she had been hit hard in the gut. Jill's resulting smile was almost painful. "I've known forever, but I've never actually admitted it. Not out loud. So I freaked a little. Because if this HAPPENED… it could really be something and… I wasn't ready for it. I thought that maybe what we already had - the friendship… the amazing, close, intense friendship - maybe it was enough."

It was frigid. The tears in her eyes were damn near freezing and the result was painful. But her eyes still glistened, her heart in a precarious place, fluttering so rapidly she was afraid to breathe for fear of a heart attack. "Jill…"

"You know all those agonized looks I was throwing at you?" Wordlessly, Cindy nodded. "I wasn't thinking 'I broke her'," she admitted, head shaking in frustration, a small bitter smile creeping onto her face. "I was thinking 'I had her. And I let her go.'" Jill sighed heavily, her intense emotion personified in the cloudy mist that escaped her mouth. "And I realized in the worst week I've ever had that maybe you can be okay, and maybe you can move on, but I can't." Cindy sucked in a long breath, felt the chill of it fill her lungs. Jill's eyes flittered to hers, locked. "Do you realize how freaky that is? To not be able to RATIONALIZE this? For a lawyer? I mean, God, Cindy!" Jill's head shook furiously, her friend at a complete loss. " _Look_ at me! I'm a mess! And like some stupid romantic cliché, I put together this stupid, elaborate plan - this 'Seduce Cindy on Christmas Eve' goal and you ruin it by bringing … MARK."

The disgust with which she said the name of Cindy's unfortunate date was so fervent, so… vivid, Cindy found herself choking with inappropriate laughter. Was this really happening?

Was that really Jill, looking so disgusted with herself for having the audacity to fall in love with her - so offended and hurt and agonized…

"Jill," she began, voice unsteady.

"I could really kill you," Jill announced, arms crossed, and glittering eyes once again venturing for the sky.

Only someone as desperately in love as Cindy could find Jill sulking as adorable as she did.

"Can't you just kiss me instead?"

The question was lobbed breathlessly. Cindy had aimed for casual and had failed spectacularly.

Jill's gaze snapped to hers uncomprehendingly, and naked and open, Cindy just let her look. Let her see everything she needed to understand that all Cindy wanted was exactly what she was asking.

When it sunk in, there had never been anything as gorgeous as Jill's smile.

Heels clattered on pavement, and then she collided against Jill's cold mouth, fingers gripping tight at the collar of Jill's coat. Lips were nearly frozen from the chill, but as their mouths opened against each other, the warmth that shuddered through Cindy was so intense, she gasped from the heat.

Jill broke off the kiss with a lingering press against her lips, a smile that crinkled into her cheeks, as her arms remained tight around Cindy's waist and her forehead tilted lovingly against Cindy's temple.

"What?" she breathed, palms rubbing up the back of Cindy's coat, keeping her intimately pressed close, curve plastered against curve.

The wind whipped around them, snuck into the crevices of Cindy's coat, and she blinked back her tears and focused instead on tracing her chilled knuckles against the smoothness of Jill's cheek. "Not that I want to stop… ever," she admitted breathlessly. "But do you think we can head inside or maybe go somewhere else? I'm freezing my ass off."

The admission made Jill blink, before she issued a low, throaty laugh that warmed Cindy from her spine, down to her toes.

"Serves you right," she whispered, and kissed her again.

\--

They never made it back to the party. Instead, the frigid temperatures had driven them from the curb, into Jill's car, and over to Cindy's apartment.

Fingers ached from cold, lips were chapped and dry, and yet Cindy didn't stop kissing Jill. Mouths connected, again and again, glued together even as coats were discarded and heels were tripped over and kicked off.

Jill had had many lovers. Cindy knew that was a fact that was not to be debated. She had seen Jill heartbroken and she had seen Jill at her most flirtatious.

She had never seen Jill like this - with glittering eyes, a smile so wide it nearly eclipsed her face, staring so intently it seemed she was memorizing every feature, mapping Cindy's body with touches, caresses, and open mouthed kisses.

When Jill's tongue drifted down on her, dipping through sensitive folds and teeth dragging over that swollen bundle of nerves, it was the sound of Jill moaning at the pleasure of tasting her that caused the orgasm.

As Christmas Eve stretched into Christmas morning, Cindy Thomas lay stretched across a naked body, cheek against a naked hip, remnants of Jill's arousal pungent on her fingers and lips.

They lay together silently, physical intimacy transcended for the moment to bask in the sweetness of what came after. Sights and sounds and senses of what they had experienced - the feel of coarse hair still dripping with moisture tickling against a sensitive cheek, the feel of fingers sliding through red strands, scratching lightly at her scalp. The taste of salty skin that stretched over Jill's naked hip.

"So how long have you been doing the Christmas 'what I want' tradition?" Jill's voice was hoarse, thick with the best kind of exhaustion.

Keening into the feel of Jill's fingers trailing through her messy copper strands, Cindy stretched forward and planted another kiss against the patch of coarse blonde hair between Jill's legs, dipping her tongue into the wetness she found there and hearing Jill's uneven breath as the result.

Lifting her head, she smiled, catching the hooded stare as she settled against Jill's flat stomach.

"Since my dad died," she whispered, eyes drifting closed as fingers smoothed along her hairline. She didn't elaborate. She didn't have to.

"Makes sense," Jill answered, a moment later. "What was the best gift you ever got yourself?"

Cindy's eyes blinked open, and like a sleepy cat stretched over her lover, feeling her spine crack at the motion. Turning in her direction, Cindy crawled up beside her, and leaned her head on her elbow, staring down at her incredulously.

"Do you have to ask?"

Jill's smile was beautiful. Gently, she leaned up, cradling Cindy's cheek, until she had pulled her into a deep, languid kiss.

When it ended, Cindy pulled back to discover eyes glittering with mirth. "I can't believe you tried to con me into falling for you."

Cindy flushed appropriately, but what had occurred between them removed any sense of shame or embarrassment. "It worked, didn't it?" Jill grinned, a private smile that was clearly meant to keep to herself. "What?"

"Nothing," Jill said. "It's just funny." Cindy quirked an inquisitive eyebrow, unable to shut off her nosiness. Thankfully, Jill didn't keep her in suspense. "Do you remember New Years Eve last year?"

She frowned. She did remember - remnants at least. The Kiss-Me-Not killer was still on the loose, tormenting Lindsay. Cindy had just cut and straightened her hair… and there was a party … at Claire's, naturally.

"Sure," she said.

"It was midnight," Jill explained. "Lindsay had left early - she was brooding about Ashe, and Claire was kissing Ed… and you and I were just… standing beside each other."

And just like that, the moment came rushing back, in vivid Technicolor. She and Jill, side by side, awkwardly watching as couples around them gathered together for the countdown, noting a couple of guys staring anxiously their way.

"And you joked that we should just kiss each other," she remembered, smile spreading on her face.

Jill's answering expression was a careful smirk. "That wasn't a joke."

Cindy's teasing smile faded, and she blinked, absorbing exactly what that meant.

"Wow," she breathed, taken over. "That long, huh?"

The vulnerable tilt of Jill's head, the way she sighed so raggedly, indicated it had indeed, been that long.

"Well... at least - that was when I admitted to myself I was attracted to you," Jill said, shifting on Cindy's pillows, a flush tinting her cheeks and other places. "The actual feelings... I didn't realize they were as dangerous as they were until you got shot." Jill's thumb traced along the small ridge of a scar, puckering slightly between Cindy's breasts.

Dangerous. So fitting, coming from Jill.

The very idea caused an uncontrollable urge to worship, and tenderly, Cindy's head lowered to press a string of kisses from Jill's ear to her collarbone.

Jill's palm curled appreciatively into her nape. "But I did make a New Years Resolution."

The ragged admission was enough only to cause Cindy to pause, take a precious moment to shift her weight and throw a bare leg over Jill's waist, straddling her lover and trailing the tip of her tongue toward one erect nipple.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, lips brushing against the rosy peak, satisfied when Jill's fingers clenched against her curls and her torso arched into her. "What was it?"

"Thou shalt not fuck Cindy Thomas."

She blinked, head shooting up. Jill, naked and clearly fucked to within an inch of her life, offered a 'fuck it' kind of shrug.

"Damn," Cindy laughed. "You really screwed that one up didn't you?"

"Well, I had no idea I was up against Cindy Thomas and the power of her Christmas Wish," Jill said dryly. "Now are you going to finish with that?" Her hand, still buried in the sweaty strands of Cindy's nape, tugged meaningfully.

Hell yeah, she was.

"Best Christmas Ever," she said, and when Jill tugged again, she followed her lead gladly.

FIN


End file.
